I’m not the hook

It was a few years ago that I realized that I have a need, an urge really to control people. Only in that I want people to be fair and be treated fairly. I don't actually want to control all things all people do. That's insane and if you know me you would know I am not a controlling person. I just grew up with people who would lovingly tell me when I was doing something I shouldn't and I was made to own my stuff (thanks Mom!) so I in turn want people to own up to the lame or hurtful things they do, especially if it's done against me.

My loving Mother saw this quality in me when I was young and bought me a hamster - Teddy. he was 100 years old when I got him and he lived for like 6 more. He was hardcore. Then came Jimmy. Every night he would try to escape by climbing up the water bottle. He only lived 4 years. I also think we may have buried him alive. Do hamsters hibernate? Years later she would admit that it was so that I would have something to contr…take care of! right, Mom - take care of.

After my realization tho I had no idea what to do with it. I had had a few hurtful things done to me by this time that kind of rocked the boat. My high school boyfriend obliterated my heart, my youth group leader betrayed me, my family had to leave the church we were in, you know the usual stuff that happens at age 17. So what was I to do with this stuff that I needed closure from? I wasn’t interested in time. Just waiting out the hurt and bitterness didn’t seem like the greatest option. I was already the dark and brooding type, I didn’t need to be anymore jaded than I was. I didn’t really know what else to do, so I said “Okay God, I don’t know what to do with this..” He said wait. Then I moved away. It was the year I lived in the city with my sister. I was going to school and had just started going to a church that is part of Newfrontiers. Joe, our lead Elder, spoke one morning on Jesus being our scapegoat. I had never in my life had anyone call Jesus that, and I really wanted to know what that meant.

This concept revolutionized my faith. Jesus is our scapegoat! Not only did He die and nail my sin on the cross, but He also nailed sin done against me to the cross! 

WHAT!
that’s shocking.

His blood that covers all my sin, the grace that covers me when God looks at me also takes care of the sin that is done by others against me. Jesus took care of it, so I don’t have to bare that.

i actually still finding it shocking, and freeing. Well, freeing once I stopped trying to be fairness queen. There’s still something in me that wants to say “Don’t you know that you’ve hurt me. Please say you’re sorry.” Sometimes, and it’s been very few I have been able to say that, not in that way, and only to people I am really close with. So with those people I’m not necessarily close to, or would not be appropriate to say it to, what do can i do?

First realize it’s not my hook they are being let off of. Just because I’m not the one making or getting them to own their stuff doesn’t mean there won’t be justice. It’s just that it isn’t up to me. I would love it to be, really (fairness queen loves justice!) but it isn’t. I didn’t die on a cross…

It’s up to God. Awesome. He created justice. He knows our hearts. He’ll do the fair thing.

So secondly, what I can do (‘cos I’m proactive!) I can forgive. The Bible says

“21Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?”

22Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” Matt 18:21-22

I love how cheeky Jesus is. Right, so I am to forgive, essentially as much and as often as people need me to. I believe that within that forgiveness Jesus heals the hurt. He brings the closure. I don’t have to confront someone about it. I can pray about that first, and if it would make matters worse I’d let it go, ‘cos the bible also says

“Strive for peace with everyone” Hebrews 12:14

So if speaking to the person isn’t going to bring peace, don’t do it. Just forgive. Some people won’t see if from your side, and that’s okay. Jesus was crucified, not me. He was separated from the Father, not me. He’s the One we’re ultimately accountable to, and He’s the just One. Not me. It’s not my hook.

Comments

Write Your Comment

Name *

Email *

Website

Notify me of follow-up comments?