Me, myself and I

n. identity [ahy-den-ti-tee] The condition of being oneself; The sense of self, providing sameness and continuity in personality over time; The set of behavioural or personal characteristics by which an individual is recognisable as a member of a group; The distinct personality of an individual regarded as a persisting entity. Individuality. Personality. Distinctiveness. Uniqueness. I find it a little tricky to define my identity. It is difficult to pinpoint. My name is Emma. The German meaning for Emma is ‘nurse’ (those who know me may find that amusing). I prefer the Irish meaning, which is ‘whole’ or ‘complete’. I like to think that it means something significant to me, that it is like God’s promise of wholeness and fulfilment in my life. In truth, my mum just liked the sound of the name, and both my parents were nurses when I was born. Hmmm. Maybe my identity cannot be explained too well by just my name.

Maybe my identity is in my family and upbringing. I have wonderful parents who love each other very much. I look like my mum – I inherited the Brownlee family freckles, turned up nose and very dark eyes. But in terms of my character, I like to think that the fiery Brownlee temperament has been balanced out with some of the Keenan rationality and laidback attitude that I picked up from my dad. I’ve got a brother and sister – I’m the oldest (I like to think that’s obvious to people, from my natural maturity and wisdom!). But my sister is ridiculously smart and knows way more than me about most things, while still managing to be pretty cool. My brother, the youngest, is so far the only sibling to secure a permanent job, mortgage, reliable car, ISA account, pension plan and fiancée. So maybe he’s actually the mature one. Maybe I shouldn’t base my identity too much on my family after all!

Maybe my education – I have a fairly generic degree that has never provided any direct help to me. My geography? That doesn’t help me much – I live in Northern Ireland, one parent from a Catholic community, one from Protestant. I’m probably a little nationalistic in my political musings, and don’t consider myself to be British – but then I’m not exactly Irish either. Northern Irish? That’s not officially recognised as a national identity, so I’m stuck there again.

Maybe my identity can be summed up by the work I do? I’m a community development worker – but then I have dreams of escaping my job and opening up my own business, so I wouldn’t want to tie my identity to my job. My gender? Female, but not a girly girl, and occasionally slightly tomboy-ish (I don’t do heels). My relationship status? Single, never married. My sexuality? I like men. Nothing shocking there – nothing to set my identity apart from most of the women around me.

I can’t define my identity. I can’t tie it down to any one thing. And yet it is of upmost importance to me. It is the essence of who I am. It can’t be explained by a single facet of my life – my identity is more than my name and my family, bigger than my job and my education, not contained by religious tags or political allegiances, not defined by my sexuality or my relationship status. You could find out all those things about me within seconds of glancing at my Facebook profile (if I was the sort to fill those things in!), but you still wouldn’t be any closer to understanding my identity – what it is that makes me ‘me’.

I watched a programme on Channel 4 last night that I found extremely sad and distressing. It was called Bodyshock – you may have seen it, or read some of the newspaper articles about it this week. The programme was focusing on children as young as 8 years old who have been diagnosed as transgender, and are already beginning to take medication to halt their normal development at puberty, and allow them to beginning changing physically into their desired gender. I can’t imagine the trauma of being an 8 year old child and having such a complete crisis of identity, to the extent that I couldn’t bear to live in the body I was born with. I can’t imagine growing up with the fear of what might happen if, even after changing gender, that crisis of identity could still remain. I feel deeply compassionate towards people who struggle with these issues. I don’t understand much about transgender issues – I’ve watched a couple of documentaries and read a few newspaper articles, but my knowledge doesn’t go much beyond that. But I do know how important my identity is to me. Most people experience a crisis of identity at some point in their lives – I probably had several – I think it’s pretty normal and natural to question who you are. I guess in watching this documentary, I just saw some of the extent to which our sense of identity can be twisted and tainted – to the point that 8 year old children can seek to change their gender in order to have their sense of identity confirmed.

Essentially, when I think about my own identity, it all comes down to Christ. I gave my life to Him fully, completely, unreservedly, 11 years ago. And from that point on, my identity was secure in Him. I am a child of God. I am a joint heir with Christ. I am redeemed, forgiven, made clean, set free and made alive because of what Jesus did on the cross, and because I chose not to reject Him, but to accept Him and live my life for His glory. I am part of His royal priesthood – a citizen of heaven, in this world but not of it. My identity is not Redeemer Central. My identity is not Newfrontiers. My identity is Jesus – Him alone.

We don’t have to look too far to spot people who are having a crisis of identity. People in overbearing, unhealthy relationships. People who are married to their jobs. People who struggle with their sexuality or their gender and don’t know how to express it. People who lack confidence and don’t know how to be themselves around other people. People who hang their identity on a religious label or political allegiance, rather than on Jesus and the finished work of His cross. I guess what I really want to throw out to you is a question. How do we meet people at the point of their greatest need? How do we come alongside people and help them to discover their identity in Christ, in a way that doesn’t patronise, doesn’t belittle their identity struggles, doesn’t judge, doesn’t condemn?  I’ve got some ideas – but I’ve got a lot of questions as well. I’d love to hear people’s thoughts – please leave your comments, let’s have a discussion.

Redeemer Central is all about redeeming the city of Belfast, for the glory of God. We can’t be successful in that vision without seeking to redeem identity – standing alongside people, working with them, spending time with them, seeing them as Christ sees them, allowing them to see themselves through the eyes of the one who has secured their identity forever, through His love and grace. When I stop to consider myself the way God considers me, I’m overwhelmed. It’s my prayer that as people walk through the doors of Redeemer Central, they would come face to face with Jesus, and that they would find their identity in Him – secure, full of grace, and redeemed. 

Comments

i’m so sick of smug christians saying ‘my identity is in christ’. hello, what the hell does that mean?
fortunately you did not resort to a glib platitude, thanks for unpacking a complex concept.
to be honest my ‘sense of self’ comes from different things, different every five minutes! i can see how amazing it would be if my idea of myself was consistently based on God’s idea of me.

By acacia. Posted on Wednesday 28th Oct 2009 at 11:24

I agree great post emma! .......not sure how communicating the truth that as followers our Jesus our Identity is in Him makes someone a ‘smug christian’ though?

By David Capener. Posted on Thursday 29th Oct 2009 at 13:04

i think it’s easy to say that my identity is in christ - it’s a lot harder to actually let that sink in, and permeate every aspect of life. i agree with acacia that ‘sense of self’ can often come from many different things, and it changes all the time - but i also agree with david that acknowledging our identity in christ isn’t smugness!! smugness implies a ‘better than you’ attitude - which people who’s identity truly lies in christ should not have

By Emma Keenan. Posted on Thursday 29th Oct 2009 at 15:43

Write Your Comment