my life is a constant transition…..

my life is in constant transition and i've been told that it will never stop. every once in awhile you feel like you've 'arrived'. but you haven't. don't be fooled. you're just on to the next thing. i've been back in Belfast for about a month now. i had the best time being home in Canada, which i find shocking because i honestly didn't expect it to be. but it was awesome, so awesome that i almost didn't come back, but a lack of purpose and God's direction brought me back, oh and all you lovely people! (i really wish everyone i loved would be in one place, or that flights would be cheaper so i could go home more often) the first few days back were great, except that a few key people in my Belfast life were in Spain, or Africa or just away, so i was a bit lonely for a while there. thankfully some people that i am still getting to know really came through and it made transitioning back easier. i naively didn't think that i would have to transition back to life here, but everything and nothing changed while i as gone. now that i've accepted all this transitioning and have a support system of people when i need it i'm 'on to the next thing'. ........

i need to find a new place to live. my gracious hosts have been wonderful and would let me stay forever if i needed to, but i hate living on this side of town. i love downtown, which everyone else refers to as the city centre. i need to find a job, and not just a job. it has to be the right one. i’m here on a Visa and the Sovereignty of God so i’m limited in time. unless one of you (being unmarried, near my age and male…oh and awesome) is willing to bite the bullet and marry me so i can claim residency, (any takers? no. that’s fine) i will go with my first option - a work permit.which involves a willing boss and a lot of paper work, and potentially money - that i don’t currently have. i’ve got some weird debts i need to pay off. i want to fly home for a good friends wedding during the summer. so i have all these things, stressful things, most of them have to do with money. the other ones have to do with time. these are the things that keep me awake at night. wondering and fretting about how and when i will pay for things, pay off things. hoping that i won’t have to take a job i hate. not being able to make it home. not living in a shady flat. oh i also worry about my friends souls…but that’s a whole other entry. i try to hand these things over to God everytime i feel the anxiousness rising from the depths of my stomach. but it’s odd, i’m not as worried as i could be. when people ask about ‘the job hunt’ i tell them i haven’t even started. due to the conditions of my Visa i have non-work related time to kill. i’ve been praying that God would let me know when it’s time to get up before noon and go look for jobs (i think it’s this week, i could be wrong. i did get up at 8:30 today, so we’re making progress) plans to look for a flat are in motion. and really that’s all i can do for right now. and that’s okay.

God reminded me again this morning while i was drinking coffee, listening to Sigur Ros, and reading My Utmost for His Highest (WWOCD? i would wear that bracelet) Oswald Chambers starts today’s message with “do not worry about your life’ Matt 6:25. i stopped reading there, and said out loud “Okay God”. he goes on to reference those verses in Matthew that talk about the flowers and how if God takes care of them(and sometimes the flowers aren’t even seen but are beautiful) how much more will God our Father take care of us because He cares that much more for us, and we know this because He sent Jesus to reconcile us to Hm. Oswald specifically mentions the having or lacking of money, or the having or lacking of friends, two things i’ve been hung up on within the first paragraph and how when we start to fret then our focus is taken off our relationship with Him. he explains that our rational side says it’s more than okay, necessary really to think about how we will live, but it’s not. God promises to take care of us. He totally understands the things we struggle with(uh, hello, Jesus was fully God, fully human), which is why we can trust Him. God knows i freak out about where i’m going to work and the logistics of that, and how i really don’t want to have to go back to Canada before i’m ready to. these are serious things i have to figure out. but if i really believe God wants me here, which i do then i have to keep looking to Him and handing over my fretfulness.

i so badly want to rely on God in these circumstances so i can say that the only reason i am here is because of God. if He can take care of those things then He can handle all of my transition. which is pretty much all of my life. i will constantly be in transition no matter what. we’re always evolving, always changing as people. our circumstances change, our jobs, relationships, families, location, how we think about things - everything pretty much.  so we need to make sure that within all the transition that God is what hold at the centre of it. then the rest of it will sort itself out.

right?
right.

Comments

Leah, I absolutely love your honesty and openness and how you take situations you’re facing in life and not only learn from them but word them in such an accessible way for others to learn! thanks!

By Christy. Posted on Monday 1st Feb 2010 at 21:22

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